maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize