I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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