We're like a lot better than the average bears
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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