Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
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