I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
