I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
