I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
