I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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