It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
