Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
