She said her name was "party"
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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