ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
