someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
