And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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