Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize