ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Watching her eat just hurts me
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
