she woke up with a sticky ear
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
