i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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