I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
