bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize