She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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