Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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