You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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