i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
