I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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