I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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