Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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