u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
