Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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