I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
