i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize