you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
