it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
