girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
we should paint friendship bongs
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
