I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
