One girl and one boy is just not enough.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
