remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize