meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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