Yo dont text me then not text me
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
my liver is dry heaving
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
