paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
