Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
