I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
