my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize