I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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