so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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