this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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