There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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