try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
