you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
