i don't like sucking hair
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
