well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
