Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
