I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
