No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
