Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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