loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
