nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
