I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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