So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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