you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
