people are starting to question the shark bite story
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
