There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
