She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
