Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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