i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
