Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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