I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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