Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
