I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
