my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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