I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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