I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize