She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
