I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
