Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
