Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
