Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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