Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize