wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
