That's intense
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
