i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
