his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I supernannyed him into submission
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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