I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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