I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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