So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
