this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
cat food counts as protein by the way
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
