how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
