I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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