If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
