He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize